I miss being goofy with him. I miss the happiness that we could create in each other with just a few words. I miss feeling joyful when he was excited about something or thought something was funny.
Just smiling because he was.
He had the best smile.
It was genuine. You could feel the happiness radiating off of it.
I miss rubbing the back of his neck while he drove to help soothe his nerves navigating through traffic. I miss him coming home and proclaiming "your new boyfriend is here" after getting a haircut. I knew the sound of the car driving up, and those boots walking to the front door. I miss feeling my heart flutter because of that sound.
I wish so badly that I could hear that again.
I miss his atrocious sense of humor. I miss him chasing me around the house with Alexander trying to tickle me. I miss our long walks where we'd talk and dream about our future.
We solved all the world's problems on those walks.
I miss the obscene amount of soy sauce bottles in the pantry because he put it on everything. I miss him requesting his own pot of gravy for meals because he would need that much.
Especially on Thanksgiving.
I miss his warmth. He was hot natured and put off so much heat which was great for cold nights and so I called him the "furnace". I just want to feel that warmth again.
I miss him. Every single moment. Every single one.
I can feel myself getting better. The days keep passing and I'm still here.
One small step, day after day.
But I miss him. I miss him so much.
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