I am currently on a quest to be(come) the best version of myself.
This is not easily done.
Sometimes it requires my heart to break open again.
And to remain a little broken, to see a little clearer.
To isolate myself from what I’ve been taught.
And from those who prevent me from doing so.
One of the most difficult parts of this is trying to not get swept away in the madness. Those overwhelming feelings of elation from succeeding in life, and the devastation that occurs when you fail or are mistreated.
I have experienced both highs and lows in extreme capacities this year. I was snatched up by possibilities and ignored realities.
Not all the time but enough for it to be brought to the surface.
Conscious thoughts battling instinctual certainties.
The core of my truth.
The grit of my existence.
Trying to be who I think I’m supposed to be instead of who I was made to be. Ignoring the signs and following cues of my past, safely clinging to them as if I hadn’t really learned anything.
Enough of that.
For me to really start progressing then forgiveness is now the objective.
Truly releasing and detaching from what has happened and the behaviors of others. I am loosening the reigns of past experiences and regrets.
Stripping my soul down bare so that the cycle can stop.
No more harm shall be done. Not by these hands anyway.
Life will flow along, there will be actions that will make me pause, perhaps cower but I will go forth.
Open and infatuated with what makes my soul quake.
Never settling out of fear or desperation.
Always acting out of love.
On my quest.