I feel it in my bones.
The rebirth has begun. If you aren't sure about what I'm speaking about, it's the awakening.
That moment where everything clicks. I can see things for what they are and the bull shit doesn't matter anymore.
I'm alive.
I haven't felt this way, ever. I didn't know I could feel this way. I had no clue that feeling this way, after everything I've been through, was even possible.
It is.
If you don't believe me, let's sit down, have a conversation and you'll start to.
The whole
"Life is possible after death."
guru, mantra,cat swinging from a tree on a motivational poster.
It's real.
There is deep, deep grief. There is pain. There is a heartache.
Heartbreak.
That I'll never be able to put into words, but it's there. I'm just owning it. I've "leaned into the struggle" as my therapist calls it and it is working.
I'm realizing the more I lean in, the more I pay attention and respond to those responding to me, the better I'm getting. This is what my life is now. I can't change that. The old Lindsey is gone, dead, nada. And that's okay.
I like
I love
this version MUCH MUCH better.
Even with the pain, even with the struggle. It's real and I'm real.
I'm alive.
THAT is what matters.
I didn't always feel this way, I also realize that the pain, it's going to return. Death, sadness, heartache, disappointment. Those all come along with the territory.
Love, imagination, devotion, sincerity, honesty, mindfulness, giving and receiving those feelings.
Even if for just a brief moment.
Those are all worth the struggle.
If it takes walking through hell to come back, feeling this way, and getting to live and love as much as I have and have been in return. I'd do it all again. Just like Bill.
So watch out now, we're about to change the world.
