Perks of being a widow

*Disclaimer: For full effect, listen to: 

Toulouse, I Will Follow You. 

(then just shuffle)

Now on with the show!

I'm young.

I can love again.

There are more hours in the day, because I don't sleep.

It' 12:44am and counting.

I'm not tired. I'm consumed.

Our boy turned 7 yesterday. 

If you are our friend, then you know this story. If you're our friend, you're reading this now so I'll share the love. 

Christopher was deployed in Afghanistan 2010, he was able to come home for Alexander's birth on his 14 day escape. His shovel to the face reality. His Mr. Hyde. I had no clue what I was doing. I was just in love. In love with a man that I truly believe hung the moon and stars in this world I exist in and I was having his baby. It was the ultimate. Insert Gidget swooning over Moon Doggie. It wasn't perfect but it was. He was coming home and our first love was coming into the world. I had a wonderful obstetrician who understood the sensitivity of having a deployment baby. Flexible schedule. Volcano ash. She was a gem. After actual volcano ash, he was home. 

I was home. 

We had a blissful week. 

Oceans.

Food. 

Decadence. 

Love.

Fear.

Family.

Joy.

Sacrifice. 

All that sacrifice. 

Those moments lost in time, equivalent to just yesterday. 

April 30th, when a star exploded and Alexander appeared. 

Before Chris died he made Alexander and I Calvin and Hobbes tshirts. Alexander's said 

"you can't take the sky from me" 

Now you get it. 

Alexander the Great was born on the evening of April 30, 2010. 

• Mother: Lindsey Wilbur
• Father: Christopher Wilbur 

Promisers of loving you forever and ever and ever and ever to infinity through a black hole and back. 

I was induced so we could adhere to the schedule of war and Alexander didn't progress like he should have so I had him via caesarean. 

Morphine induced coma and exhaustion from labor, I was gone. 

He had just come home from a nightmare. Exhausted, broken, unsure of what really, REALLY mattered in this big ol world. He sat by my side. Relentless, kind, gentle, effortless. 

I moved, he was up and at em'. The drug robot beeped he pushed the button to make it shut up. 

Then we went back to our house and he was just as dutiful. Just as loving, just as beautiful as a father can be in those awkward, scary moments. Loving his wife and his new baby, no clue what he's doing but trying his absolute best and it oozing out of every ounce of him. 

Pure love. 

Pure love. 

Pure love. 

Honest. Resounding. Everlasting. 

That man was mine and we did that and days like today, my heart breaks because he's not next to me. 

I wish I had the morphine drip so the tears would stop. 

I can survive this. 

The tears won't last forever.

You can't take the sky from me.